We Can Help With ... Bereavement

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Bereavement can make us feel as though a large piece of our life has been taken away. Emotions can include grief, shock, anger, remorse, or even guilt. It can be an extremely distressing period, not knowing how to cope, how to grieve and, eventually, how to move on.

What is grief?

Grief is the name given to the natural responses we have after the death of someone or something who has been close to us.

It's often difficult to understand what's happening when we're grieving. One of the ways in which we can understand better is to look at other losses in our lives, each of which requires a period of adjustment. Even a simple thing such as losing a purse produces a reaction. Initially, we may have feelings of disbelief, panic and confusion, leading to annoyance, anger and inconvenience. Life has been temporarily upset and it takes a while to adjust to the new situation. In time, we'll either find the purse or accept its loss.

Learning to adapt

Recovering from a death is similar but the feelings are more intense and painful plus they last much longer. It is a process of learning to adapt to the new situation. There's an empty space where before there was a living human being. We have to adjust to life without that person.

Our pain and suffering is the price we pay for loving. Any pain is tiring. A toothache can be relieved by an analgesic or a visit to the dentist, but the acute pain of grief is constantly with us, unrelieved by any painkiller. While we're going through the pain, it's difficult to believe that we'll ever enjoy life again. But, in time, our grieving will ease and life will gradually become more bearable and even pleasurable again.

For many people, bereavement is a journey during which they'll experience a variety of changing emotions, such as guilt, anger and depression. For some people, the strength of these emotions and the speed at which they change can make them feel helpless and confused. If the bereavement is very recent, a person can feel incapable of any decision-making. Some people find this is delayed by concentrating on arrangements for a funeral or memorial service.

If this is the case, it's important that close friends realise they're not 'just coping' - the emotional roller coaster will come, even if it's not as rough as it might have been. Once this intense phase has passed, there may still be a fair way to go on the journey. Again this will happen in different ways for different people. For some, there will be an intense period of longing for things to return to the way they were.

Other people, in trying to get on with life and establish some new form of normality, may find themselves in situations where they momentarily manage to 'forget' about their grief - only to feel their heart sink as something reminds them. This can lead to a person still shopping for two, for instance, or keeping some story about the day to tell to their loved one.

It's not unusual for a person during this time to feel aimless and unable to concentrate or sleep; unsurprisingly, they often don't feel like eating. This can be worse if the relationship with the dead person was a difficult one that caused mixed emotions of both love and resentment - in such cases the feelings of guilt may become overwhelming.

The most important thing in this period is to have someone that you can talk to about these emotions and experiences, since keeping them to yourself will often prolong the pain. The other important thing to remember is that the pain does ease. It can sound corny to say that you'll "get over it." Often, it's more a case of realising how much the experience has changed you and your life - and learning to live with and accept those changes.

How can hypnotherapy help with bereavement?

Hypnosis can be used to deeply relax and calm you, allowing your subconscious mind to accept some positive suggestions for your continued well-being. The experience helps you to reflect in a calm and positive way and to help you cope with the days, weeks and months ahead. The process does not stop the important natural grieving process, instead it provides added strength and calmness.

One off sessions to help you through the funeral can also be very beneficial.

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